About this time five years ago I was being admitted to the University of Kentucky hospital. A few hours prior Keith, Macy and I had visited the perinatal doctors for an ultrasound. The doctor reading the ultrasound delivered this message: “There is no mass on your son’s heart. He has a congenital diaphragmatic hernia, there is no cure and he won’t survive. We need to get the baby out.” Without any further information or discussion he stood and left the room. (awesome bedside manner right…?) I can honestly say my first response was probably not ideal – it was fury that he had so carelessly proclaimed this in front of my young daughter. Needless to say, a few moments later it began to sink in and I promptly went into labor. (Ladies and gentlemen of the medical profession…please please please use common sense and your very best bedside manner when delivering such traumatizing news.) It’s been five years and I still kind of want to punch this man in the face. (I’m working on forgiveness for him and UK Hospital – someday it will come.) At any rate, he left to schedule things and came back briefly to say he was unavailable to perform the surgery and was handing off to his partner. In the swing of a door we shifted from hopeless to hopeful as the incoming physical was gentle, reassuring, kind and compassionate. (Him I could hug!) As my labor quickly progressed he decided that home was not an option and gave orders to report as quickly as possible to UK. We hurried home to pack and make arrangements for Macy. I will be forever grateful to Kristi Taylor Boss and Barbara Hamilton who let me blurt everything out without interruption and then scooped in to love a very scared little girl. They held her close when I could barely breathe. Upon arriving at the hospital they decided my labor was moving slowly enough that they would postpone the c-section until the morning. So I labored all night shifting between the breathtaking pain, my broken heart and the overwhelming desire to experience and remember every kick and movement of my boy in those hours. Keith Brockman was an amazing gift that night, he made all the calls to friends and family giving me the space to grieve and emotionally collapse. I simply couldn’t bring myself to deal with anyone. On a lighter note – my nurse through the night was this hilarious man who was the dopple-ganger of Long Duck Dong (16 Candles). He helped me laugh through the tears and even came to see me after Wy was born on the mother-baby unit. I don’t know his name but he was a treasure and should be given a raise. The next morning the nurse announced we had a visitor, Michael Riensche, an elder of our church. My initial reaction was that I didn’t want to see anyone and then he walked through the door. I remember clearly looking at him and exhaling the breathe I had been unknowingly holding through the night. Of course I wanted this man of God there in the hardest moments I could ever imagine. Michael you cared for my heart so beautifully that it set me up to stand steady in the face of whatever storm came my way. Thank you Quest Community Church Elders for loving us even when we don’t know to ask for it or that we even are in need. That sweet time and prayer marked the beginning of a 31 day journey that forever shifted my heart.
I’ve been asked on occasion if my faith in God would have faltered had we lost Wyatt. Obviously, there is no way to answer that for sure. However, I can say that I never once prayed for him to just be saved or healed. What I asked with every waking breath was that God’s will would be done and that I would have the strength to face it regardless of the outcome. Each day, each hour and sometimes minute to minute we faced the potential loss of our boy. With every hurdle we crossed my hope grew. Every dead-end that unexpectedly opened up or was met with quick resolution my faith in a heavenly father’s perfect timing solidified. Every person who stepped up to love and support us was a glimpse of the beautiful community we were made to live in with Jesus, and one another. So tomorrow we will celebrate 5 years with this gorgeous boy who beat the odds to exist, to survive his arrival and to then make it home. He is my constant reminder that the God I believe in is still in the business of miracles. #wyattsworld #gratefulmama #hopespringseternal